Alice Walker Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes

As one reads history ... one is absolutely sickened, not by the crimes that the wicked have committed, but by the punishments that the good have inflicted.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Of course it's the same old story. Truth usually is the same old story.

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

To buy books would be a good thing if we could also buy the time to read them; but the purchase of books is often mistaken for the assimilation and mastering of their contents.

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes

The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Prayer Quotes

Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Integrity Quotes

If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.

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Tags : Maya Angelou Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Poor Mr. Pickwick! ... If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers; if he stopped to consider which was the right one, Lady Snuphanuph would throw herself back in her chair, and smile with a mingled glance of impatience and pity to Mrs. Colonel Wugsby, at which Mrs. Colonel Wugsby would shrug up her shoulders, and cough, as much as to say she wondered whether he ever would begin.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

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Tags : Saint Augustine Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes