T. S. Eliot Quotes, Funny Quotes, Work Quotes

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes

The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

Will the highways on the Internet become more few?

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Agnes Repplier Quotes , Funny Quotes , Patience Quotes

Beauty is an outward gift, which is seldom despised, except by those to whom it has been refused.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Funny Quotes , Ignorance Quotes

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

There are men who can think no deeper than a fact.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes