Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Bible Quotes

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Bible Quotes

When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Tree Quotes

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

5 years ago

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Tags : Carl Sagan Quotes , Funny Quotes , Brother Quotes

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.

5 years ago

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes

That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Philosophical Quotes

The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

The funniest things are the forbidden.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes

Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Smith Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

6 years ago

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes