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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- MONARCH, n. A person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled, as the derivation of the word attests, and as many subjects have had occasion to learn.
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- Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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- SIREN, n. One of several musical prodigies famous for a vain attempt to dissuade Odysseus from a life on the ocean wave. Figuratively, any lady of splendid promise, dissembled purpose and disappointing performance.
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- Here's to woman! Would that we could fold into her arms without falling into her hands.
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- A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.
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- WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can be made; . . . also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread "per capita" of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.
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- CERBERUS, n. The watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the entrance - against whom or what does not clearly appear; everybody, sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance.
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- HEART, n. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments . . . . It is now known that sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid.
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- Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
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- The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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- Philanthropist, n.: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
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- Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
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- Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
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- GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.
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- Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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- Least said is soon disavowed.
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- I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
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- Immigrant: An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.
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- LEXICOGRAPHER, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods.
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- A popular writer writes about what people think. A wise writer offers them something to think about.
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