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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.
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- The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
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- PRESENTABLE, adj. Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place.
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- Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.
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- ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.
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- CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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- Learning -the kind of ignorance affected by (and affecting) civilized races, as distinguished from ignorance, the sort of learning incurred by savages. See nonsense.
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- An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.
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- LAST, n. A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns.
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- Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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- HOSPITALITY, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.
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- Cribbage, n. A substitute for conversation among those to whom nature has denied ideas.
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- Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
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- It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.
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- ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.
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- Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
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- To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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- PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.
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- Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
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- Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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