Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Competition Quotes, Conversation Quotes

Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Competition Quotes , Conversation Quotes

LOGOMACHY, n. A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem - a kind of contest in which, the vanquished being unconscious of defeat, the victor is denied the reward of success.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , War Quotes , Self Esteem Quotes

A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Men Quotes , He Man Quotes

PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in preparing it.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Kindness Quotes , Smell Quotes

TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

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alone, adj. In bad company.

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Riven and torn with cannon-shot, the trunks of the trees protruded bunches of splinters like hands, the fingers above the wound interlacing with those below.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Hands Quotes , Tree Quotes

The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Mean Quotes , Pride Quotes

PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic. The editor of an English magazine having received a letter pointing out the erroneous nature of his views and style, and signed "Perfection," promptly wrote at the foot of the letter: "I don't agree with you," and mailed it to Matthew Arnold.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Views Quotes , Editors Quotes

Botany, n. The science of vegetables - those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Flower Quotes , Color Quotes

QUOTIENT, n. A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another - usually about as many times as it can be got there.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Money Quotes , Numbers Quotes

Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.

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Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

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CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Evil Quotes , Bears Quotes

HEART, n. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments . . . . It is now known that sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid.

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The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

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ROSTRUM, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wisdom Quotes , Latin Quotes

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

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Molecule, n.: The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter, by a closer resemblance to the atom, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter ... The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and the atom in that it is an ion.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Ions Quotes , Molecules Quotes

Coronation: The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Divine Right Quotes , Bombs Quotes