Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Fun Quotes, Inspiration Quotes

OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.

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LAST, n. A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns.

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REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.

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PRESENTABLE, adj. Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place.

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Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

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Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means, as commonly interpreted, the right to vote for the man of another man's choice, and is highly prized.

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BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.

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Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

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Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

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INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.

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SPOOKER, n. A writer whose imagination concerns itself with supernatural phenomena, especially in the doings of spooks.

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SYLLOGISM, n. A logical formula consisting of a major and a minor assumption and an inconsequent.

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renown, n. A degree of distinction between notoriety and fame - a little more supportable than the one and a little more intolerable than the other. Sometimes it is conferred by an unfriendly and inconsiderate hand.

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Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.

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Houseless: Having paid all taxes on household goods.

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HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.

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Justice is a commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.

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When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

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VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.

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GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These, by some occult process of nature, are penetrated and suffused with various degrees of the bird's intellectual energies and emotional character, so that when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an "author," there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl's thought and feeling. The difference in geese, as discovered by this ingenious method, is considerable: many are found to have only trivial and insignificant powers, but some are seen to be very great geese indeed.

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