Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Nature Quotes, Science Quotes

MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Nature Quotes , Science Quotes

I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

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OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.

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Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Lying Quotes , Sadness Quotes

HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.

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CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another. When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was observed to be deeply moved. "What!" said one of his disciples, "you weep at the death of an enemy?" "Ah, 'tis true," replied the great Stoic; "but you should see me smile at the death of a friend.".

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Evil Quotes , Death Of A Friend Quotes

BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters - the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind.

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Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

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CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.

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HARMONISTS, n. A sect of Protestants, now extinct, who came from Europe in the beginning of the last century and were distinguished for the bitterness of their internal controversies and dissensions.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Europe Quotes , Lasts Quotes

ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in place one's whole life long.

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No country is so wild and difficult but men will make it a theater of war.

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A violin is the revenge exacted by the intestines of a dead cat.

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Death is a dignitary who when he comes announced is received with formal manifestations of respect, even by those most familiar with him. In the code of military etiquette silence and fixity are forms of deference

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Kindness n: A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

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Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

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GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside.

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IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound . . . . properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position.

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A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors - to dislodge the worms.

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MERCY, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

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