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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Houseless: Having paid all taxes on household goods.
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- ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.
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- Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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- Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
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- AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.
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- Learning -the kind of ignorance affected by (and affecting) civilized races, as distinguished from ignorance, the sort of learning incurred by savages. See nonsense.
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- MUMMY, n. - an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.
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- PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.
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- TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
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- PREDESTINATION, n. The doctrine that all things occur according to programme. . . . not be confused with that of foreordination. The difference is great enough to have deluged Christendom with ink, to say nothing of the gore.
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- Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
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- MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.
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- GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.
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- FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs
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- PITIFUL, adj. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.
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- Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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- REBEL, n. A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish it.
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- A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement.
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- Riven and torn with cannon-shot, the trunks of the trees protruded bunches of splinters like hands, the fingers above the wound interlacing with those below.
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- To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.
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