Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Issues Quotes, Collaboration Quotes

hybrid, n. A pooled issue.

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Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.

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HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.

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Backbite: To ''speak of a man as you find him'' when he can't find you.

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A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.

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The sum of religion, says Pythagoras, is to be like him thou worshipest. Had Pythagoras lived in our day he would have seen his mistake. The sum of modern religion is to make him thou worshipest like unto thyself.

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Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.

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SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar "tumble-bug." It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity. Its habit of incubating its eggs in a ball of ordure may also have commended it to the favor of the priesthood, and may some day assure it an equal reverence among ourselves. True, the American beetle is an inferior beetle, but the American priest is an inferior priest.

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DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.

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SIREN, n. One of several musical prodigies famous for a vain attempt to dissuade Odysseus from a life on the ocean wave. Figuratively, any lady of splendid promise, dissembled purpose and disappointing performance.

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OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.

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The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.

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A rabbit's foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.

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Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

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MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.

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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

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Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.

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PRESBYTERIAN, n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should be called presbyters.

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Don't board with the devil if you wish to be fat.

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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.

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