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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.
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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes
- It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes
- You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
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Tags : Jack London Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- His wardrobe was extensive-very extensive-not strictly classical perhaps, not quite new, nor did it contain any one garment made precisely after the fashion of any age or time, but everything was more or less spangled; and what can be prettier than spangles!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fashion Quotes
- This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes
- The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Trust Quotes
- It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- I was never ruined but twice: once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I won one.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- What I tell you three times is true.
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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Travel Quotes
- For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn?
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- My father must have had some elementary education for he could read and write and keep accounts inaccurately
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes
- Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes
- If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes