Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Golf Quotes

It is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things. Names are everything. I never quarrel with actions. My one quarrel is with words. The man who could call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is the only thing he is fit for.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

"Vell," said Mr. Weller, "Now I s'pose he'll want to call some witnesses to speak to his character, or p'raps to prove a alleybi. I've been a turnin' the bis'ness over in my mind, and he may make his-self easy, Sammy. I've got some friends as'll do either for him, but my adwice 'ud be this here-never mind the character, and stick to the alleybi. Nothing like a alleybi, Sammy, nothing."

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes

No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions; he had money as well.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Integrity Quotes

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes

There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Real Quotes

"Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes