Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

5 years ago

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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body part.

6 years ago

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Tags : Aimee Mullins Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I quite agree with Dr. Nordau's assertion that all men of genius are insane, but Dr. Nordau forgets that all sane people are idiots.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

6 years ago

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He would make a lovely corpse.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

I've taken my fun where I've found it, An' now I must pay for my fun, For the more you 'ave known o' the others The less will you settle to one.

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

However, it is always nice to be expected, and not to arrive.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

It's much easier for me to make major life, multi-million dollar decisions, than it is to decide on a carpet for my front porch. That's the truth.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

"Peggotty!" repeated Miss Betsey, with some indignation. "Do you mean to say, child, that any human being has gone into a Christian church, and got herself named Peggotty?"

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes

Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

May God defend me from my friends: I can defend myself from my enemies.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

There are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics. Michael Jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success: how to stay aloft without visible means of support.

5 years ago

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , Basketball Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

6 years ago

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.

5 years ago

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Tags : Franz Kafka Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fighting Quotes