Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Funny Quotes, Integrity Quotes

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Integrity Quotes

Indeed, it may be laid down as a general principle, that the more extended the ancestry, the greater the amount of violence and vagabondism; for in ancient days those two amusements, combining a wholesome excitement with a promising means of repairing shattered fortunes, were at once the ennobling pursuit and the healthful recreation of the Quality of this land.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Give me the luxuries and I can dispense with the necessities.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Food Quotes

We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

My mother married a very good man ... and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Poetry's unnat'ral; no man ever talked poetry 'cept a beadle on boxin' day, or Warren's blackin' or Rowland's oil, or some o' them low fellows; never you let yourself down to talk poetry, my boy.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sexy Quotes

The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Were kisses all the joys in bed, One woman would another wed.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it.

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Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Funny Quotes , Ignorance Quotes

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes