H. G. Wells Quotes, Funny Quotes, Time Quotes

There comes a moment in the day when you have written your pages in the morning, attended to your correspondence in the afternoon, and have nothing further to do. Then comes that hour when you are bored; that's the time for sex.

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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked.

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivation Quotes

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

In war it does not matter who is right, but who is left.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions; he had money as well.

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sympathy Quotes

A joke is a very serious thing.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

A sportswriter once referred to him as our future president. With a name like Kevin, I don't know whether that's possible.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nba Quotes

No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes