Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It's a funny old world.

5 years ago

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , World Quotes

I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes

Riches are for spending.

5 years ago

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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Had be been Shakespeare, he would then have written Troilus and Cressidato brand the offending sex; but being only a little dog, he began to bite them.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

'Tis a superstition to insist on a special diet. All is made at last of the same chemical atoms.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Infancy conforms to nobody: all conform to it, so that one babe commonly makes four or five out of the adults who prattle and play to it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Both Miss Lavinia and Miss Clarissa had a superstition, however, that he would have declared his passion, if he had not been cut short in his youth (at about sixty) by over-drinking his constitution, and over-doing an attempt to set it right again by swilling Bath water.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

This past Thanksgiving, my father was at the farm, and I had all 11 dogs in the house with a father who never allowed dogs in the house. And he got up to leave the table and came back and Solomon was in his chair. And he says, "This dog is in my chair." And I said, "It's the other way around, you're sitting in his chair."

5 years ago

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

This City is what it is because our citizens are what they are.

5 years ago

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Tags : Plato Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cities Quotes