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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- My toughest fight was with my first wife.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes
- I woke up my pop in the middle of the night 'cause the boogie man's under my bed. My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, 'Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man's under the bed!' Pop opens one eye, he's like, 'Is the boogie man bigger than me?' 'Well, no Daddy, he's not.' 'Well, you got your choice: you can deal with the boogie man or you can deal with me.'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes
- An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.
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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- This City is what it is because our citizens are what they are.
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Tags : Plato Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cities Quotes
- How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes
- Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes
- A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- ... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes