George Bernard Shaw Quotes, Funny Quotes, Crush Quotes

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Crush Quotes

Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.

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Tags : Dalai Lama Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

"Next," said Mrs Wilfer with a wave of her gloves, expressive of abdication under protest from the culinary throne, "I would recommend examination of the bacon in the saucepan on the fire, and also of the potatoes by the application of a fork. Preparation of the greens will further become necessary if you persist in this unseemly demeanour."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

"Peggotty!" repeated Miss Betsey, with some indignation. "Do you mean to say, child, that any human being has gone into a Christian church, and got herself named Peggotty?"

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and it holds the world together.

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

... I had a latent impression that there was something decidedly fine in Mr. Wopsle's elocution - not for old associations' sake, I am afraid, but because it was very slow, very dreary, very up-hill and down-hill, and very unlike any way in which any man in any natural circumstances of life or death ever expressed himself about anything.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last.

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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.

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Tags : F. Scott Fitzgerald Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What I tell you three times is true.

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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

As he was valiant, I honour him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , True Friend Quotes

He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist.

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes

Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes