Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes

It is perfectly monstrous,' he said, at last, 'the way people go about nowadays saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

My rackets are run on strictly American lines and they're going to stay that way.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I can resist everything except temptation.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old.

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes

Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Journalism Quotes

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

When one has not had a good father, one must create one.

5 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

The difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Savage Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mind Quotes