Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Anniversary Quotes

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes

In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

5 years ago

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Tags : Saint Augustine Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A sportswriter once referred to him as our future president. With a name like Kevin, I don't know whether that's possible.

5 years ago

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nba Quotes

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

5 years ago

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Tags : Agatha Christie Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

God created sex. Priests created marriage.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions; he had money as well.

5 years ago

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

5 years ago

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Tags : Saint Augustine Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes