Voltaire Quotes, Funny Quotes, Hilarious Quotes

The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I've taken my fun where I've found it, An' now I must pay for my fun, For the more you 'ave known o' the others The less will you settle to one.

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I love acting. It is so much more real than life.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

He's got his dog trained so that it only does it on newspapers. The trouble is it does it when he's reading the blasted things.

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

"Peggotty!" repeated Miss Betsey, with some indignation. "Do you mean to say, child, that any human being has gone into a Christian church, and got herself named Peggotty?"

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes

The British are apt to make merits of their stupidities, and to represent their various incapacities as points of good breeding.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes

Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge.

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes

I woke up my pop in the middle of the night 'cause the boogie man's under my bed. My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, 'Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man's under the bed!' Pop opens one eye, he's like, 'Is the boogie man bigger than me?' 'Well, no Daddy, he's not.' 'Well, you got your choice: you can deal with the boogie man or you can deal with me.'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes

A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jealousy Quotes

When one has not had a good father, one must create one.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes