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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- The French complain of everything, and always.
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Tags : Napoleon Bonaparte Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
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Tags : Saint Augustine Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes
- Biography lends to death a new terror.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes
- The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes
- Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious.
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Tags : Alan Minter Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- It is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things. Names are everything. I never quarrel with actions. My one quarrel is with words. The man who could call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is the only thing he is fit for.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes
- Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Every man over forty is a scoundrel.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes
- The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Senior Quotes
- Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- The equation for ego is: One over Knowledge.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- In war it does not matter who is right, but who is left.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes
- If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.
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Tags : Theodore Roosevelt Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes