Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Funny Quotes, Age Quotes

A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes

What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fate Quotes

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

My best training came from my father.

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

I was always treated as if I had insisted on being born, in opposition to the dictates of reason, religion, and morality, and against the dissuadinig arguments of my best friends.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is but a matter of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET." - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1.

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

[Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Pimples Quotes

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

The nephew revenges himself for this, by holding his breath and terrifying his kinswoman with the dread belief that he has made up his mind to burst. Regardless of whispers and shakes, he swells and becomes discoloured, and yet again swells and becomes discoloured, until the aunt can bear it no longer, but leads him out, with no visible neck, and with his eyes going before him like a prawn's.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Revenge Quotes

When a man does exactly what a woman expects him to do she doesn't think much of him. One should always do what a woman doesn't expect, just as one should say what she doesn't understand.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

College is a refuge from hasty judgment.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , College Quotes

It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes