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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes
- In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fate Quotes
- ... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes
- The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes
- A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
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Tags : Adi Da Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and it holds the world together.
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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- There is, in fact, no law or government at all; and it is wonderful how well things go on without them.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.
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Tags : Al Neuharth Quotes , Funny Quotes , Attitude Quotes
- It's hard to be humble, when you're as great as I am.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
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Tags : Plato Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.
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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Teeth Quotes
- Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell.
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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes