Adam Ferrara Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Funny Quotes , Ignorance Quotes

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Our civilization has decided that determining the guilt or innocence of men is a thing too important to be trusted to trained men. When it wants a library catalogued, or the solar system discovered, or any trifle of that kind, it uses up its specialists. But when it wishes anything done which is really serious, it collects twelve of the ordinary men standing round. The same thing was done, if I remember right, by the Founder of Christianity.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religion Quotes

A good scare is worth more than good advice.

5 years ago

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Tags : Horace Quotes , Funny Quotes , Advice Quotes

If a student takes the whole series of my folklore courses including the graduate seminars, he or she should learn something about fieldwork, something about bibliography, something about how to carry out library research, and something about how to publish that research.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Dundes Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sexy Quotes

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes