Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

God created sex. Priests created marriage.

4 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Poor Mr. Pickwick! ... If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers; if he stopped to consider which was the right one, Lady Snuphanuph would throw herself back in her chair, and smile with a mingled glance of impatience and pity to Mrs. Colonel Wugsby, at which Mrs. Colonel Wugsby would shrug up her shoulders, and cough, as much as to say she wondered whether he ever would begin.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fathers Day Quotes

Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies.

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Reality Quotes

I love acting. It is so much more real than life.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.

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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

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I have insecurities of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me.

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Tags : Adele Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hater Quotes

If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

Why, except as a means of livelihood, a man should desire to act on the stage when he has the whole world to act in, is not clear to me.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mean Quotes

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.

4 years ago

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Tags : Bob Marley Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes