Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

On how to make the game more exciting - Eliminate the referees, raise the basket four feet, double the size of the basketball, limit the height of the players to 5 feet 9 inches, bring back the centre jump, allow taxi drivers in for free and allow the players to carry guns.

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Tags : Al McGuire Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes

Too much work, and no vacation, Deserves at least a small libation. So hail! my friends, and raise your glasses, Work's the curse of the drinking classes.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock."

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

The earth has a skin and that skin has diseases; one of its diseases is called man.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others.

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes

All generalizations are false, including this one.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Frailty, thy name is woman!

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Memorable Quotes

I don't think the discus will ever attract any interest until they let us start throwing them at one another.

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Tags : Al Oerter Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes