Virginia Woolf Quotes, Funny Quotes, Friendship Quotes

I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

I cut my own hair. I got sick of barbers because they talk too much. And too much of their talk was about my hair coming out.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Triumph Quotes

I have always been of the opinion that hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sorry Quotes

It is a very dangerous thing to know one’s friends.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

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Tags : Theodore Roosevelt Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.

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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes

But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

True, a little learning is a dangerous thing, but it still beats total ignorance.

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Tags : Abigail Van Buren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Education Quotes

When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Communication Quotes

We spent as much money as we could and got as little for it as people could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition. There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did. To the best of my belief, our case was in the last aspect a rather common one.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes