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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to have a baby. One of them is superfluous.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes
- Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Dammit Sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't always be living for pleasure!
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- More and more of our imports are coming from overseas
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I have been born more times than anybody except Krishna.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Novelists Quotes
- Farewell, fair cruelty.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- Home is the girl's prison and the woman's workhouse.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- As one reads history ... one is absolutely sickened, not by the crimes that the wicked have committed, but by the punishments that the good have inflicted.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- All art is quite useless.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Everything in moderation, including moderation.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Although always prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it should be postponed.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes
- She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.
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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , America Quotes
- A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes
- Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- I can resist everything except temptation.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes
- Be excellent and party on dudes.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.
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Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes