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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.
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Tags : Dalai Lama Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes
- Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Absence - that common cure of love.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- "Next," said Mrs Wilfer with a wave of her gloves, expressive of abdication under protest from the culinary throne, "I would recommend examination of the bacon in the saucepan on the fire, and also of the potatoes by the application of a fork. Preparation of the greens will further become necessary if you persist in this unseemly demeanour."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it.
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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sloth Quotes
- I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fate Quotes
- We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I like Wagner's music better than anybody's. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without other people hearing what one says.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- I have always been of opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes
- The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes
- Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Let a short Act of Parliament be passed, placing all street musicians outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them with stones, sticks, knives, pistols or bombs without incurring any penalties.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes