Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.

5 years ago

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.

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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

If so many men, so many minds, certainly so many hearts, so many kinds of love.

5 years ago

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Your next-door neighbor is not a man; he is an environment. He is the barking of a dog; he is the noise of a piano; he is a dispute about a party wall; he is drains that are worse than yours, or roses that are better than yours.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Communication Quotes

Advice is like snow - the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind.

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Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Don't argue about the difficulties. The difficulties will argue for themselves.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes

You can't imagine what a pleasure this complete laziness is to me: not a thought in my brain- you might send a ball rolling through it!

5 years ago

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sloth Quotes

I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes