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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes
- The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- We are too civil to books. For a few golden sentences we will turn over and actually read a volume of four or five hundred pages.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.
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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friends Quotes
- Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Science Quotes
- Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes
- You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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Tags : Alan Dundes Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes
- I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Leadership Quotes
- We take greater pains to persuade others that we are happy than in endeavoring to think so ourselves
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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes
- Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
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Tags : Theodore Kaczynski Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.
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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes
- The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Triumph Quotes