Mark Twain Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"Why, I don't exactly know about perjury, my dear sir," replied the little gentleman. "Harsh word, my dear sir, very harsh word indeed. It's a legal fiction, my dear sir, nothing more."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

My best training came from my father.

5 years ago

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

We spent as much money as we could and got as little for it as people could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition. There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did. To the best of my belief, our case was in the last aspect a rather common one.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

All of us contain Music & Truth, but most of us can't get it out.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Gay Quotes

The sea is the same as it has been since before men ever went on it in boats.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

5 years ago

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Tags : Saint Augustine Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

Is man one of God's blunders? Or is God one of man's blunders?

5 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes