Adam Ferrara Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Democracy is an awful way to run a country, but it's the best system we have.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adelle Davis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Party Quotes

You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.

5 years ago

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The only way to be sure of catching a train is to miss the one before it.

4 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Travel Quotes

Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.

4 years ago

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Tags : F. Scott Fitzgerald Quotes , Funny Quotes , Art Quotes

I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Communication Quotes

I love acting. It is so much more real than life.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

4 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew required to be drawn with a self-denial rarely paralleled in history.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.

4 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Spiritual Quotes

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.

5 years ago

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

We spent as much money as we could and got as little for it as people could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition. There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did. To the best of my belief, our case was in the last aspect a rather common one.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

The difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Savage Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jail Quotes