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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I've taken my fun where I've found it, An' now I must pay for my fun, For the more you 'ave known o' the others The less will you settle to one.
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?
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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes
- I do not hold that we should rearm in order to fight. I hold that we should rearm in order to parley.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge.
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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes
- One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes