Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

His wardrobe was extensive-very extensive-not strictly classical perhaps, not quite new, nor did it contain any one garment made precisely after the fashion of any age or time, but everything was more or less spangled; and what can be prettier than spangles!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fashion Quotes

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cat Quotes

All of us contain Music & Truth, but most of us can't get it out.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

Familiarity breeds contempt. How accurate that is. The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Every man over forty is a scoundrel.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.

5 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

... I had a latent impression that there was something decidedly fine in Mr. Wopsle's elocution - not for old associations' sake, I am afraid, but because it was very slow, very dreary, very up-hill and down-hill, and very unlike any way in which any man in any natural circumstances of life or death ever expressed himself about anything.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes

No sane man will dance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes

The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes