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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.
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Tags : Alan Shearer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Soccer Quotes
- It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- May God defend me from my friends: I can defend myself from my enemies.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- " ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- What is wrong with the prosaic Englishman is what is wrong with the prosaic men of all countries: stupidity.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes
- Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.
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Tags : Adam Smith Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.
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Tags : Dalai Lama Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I have imbibed such a love for money that I keep some sequins in a drawer to count, and cry over them once a week.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- Dombey and Son had often dealt in hides, but never in hearts. They left that fancy ware to boys and girls, and boarding-schools and books. Mr. Dombey would have reasoned: That a matrimonial alliance with himself must, in the nature of things, be gratifying and honourable to any woman of common sense. That the hope of giving birth to a new partner in such a house, could not fail to awaken a glorious and stirring ambition in the breast of the least ambitious of her sex.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.
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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cycling Quotes
- An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The Cardinal is at his wit's end - it is true that he had not far to go.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes
- I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes