Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

5 years ago

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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.

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Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Army Quotes

The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.

6 years ago

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Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

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Some men never feel small, but these are the few men who are.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

Mr. Bazzard's father, being a Norfolk farmer, would have furiously laid about him with a flail, a pitch-fork, and every agricultural implement available for assaulting purposes, on the slightest hint of his son's having written a play.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing.

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Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

6 years ago

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Infancy conforms to nobody: all conform to it, so that one babe commonly makes four or five out of the adults who prattle and play to it.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

He would make a lovely corpse.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes