George Bernard Shaw Quotes, Funny Quotes, Education Quotes

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Education Quotes

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil.

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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cycling Quotes

"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

To buy books would be a good thing if we could also buy the time to read them; but the purchase of books is often mistaken for the assimilation and mastering of their contents.

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes

Familiarity breeds contempt. How accurate that is. The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes

Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Prayer Quotes

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fathers Day Quotes

In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes

God created sex. Priests created marriage.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes