Winston Churchill Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mother Quotes

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

'Tis a superstition to insist on a special diet. All is made at last of the same chemical atoms.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

It is obvious that all sense has gone out of modern marriage; which is, however, no objection to marriage but to modernity.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I don't quite recollect how many tumblers of whiskey toddy each man drank after supper; but this I know, that about one o'clock in the morning, the baillie's grown-up son became insensible while attempting the first verse of 'Willie brewed a peck o' maut'; and he having been, for half an hour before, the only other man visible above the mahogany, it occurred to my uncle that it was almost time to think about going.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Morning Quotes

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes

I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I cut my own hair. I got sick of barbers because they talk too much. And too much of their talk was about my hair coming out.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it.

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Whatever advice you give, be short.

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Tags : Horace Quotes , Funny Quotes , Giving Quotes