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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Let a short Act of Parliament be passed, placing all street musicians outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them with stones, sticks, knives, pistols or bombs without incurring any penalties.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- Eating words has never given me indigestion.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Health Quotes
- Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.
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Tags : Al Unser Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Spiritual Quotes
- It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.
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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that men never learn anything from history.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Monsieur l'abbé, I detest what you write, but I would give my life to make it possible for you to continue to write.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend or by fiend, by prayer or by wine.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew required to be drawn with a self-denial rarely paralleled in history.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I do not hold that we should rearm in order to fight. I hold that we should rearm in order to parley.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.
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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes