Winston Churchill Quotes, Funny Quotes, Truth Quotes

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

This past Thanksgiving, my father was at the farm, and I had all 11 dogs in the house with a father who never allowed dogs in the house. And he got up to leave the table and came back and Solomon was in his chair. And he says, "This dog is in my chair." And I said, "It's the other way around, you're sitting in his chair."

5 years ago

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

It's better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you'll drift in that direction.

5 years ago

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Never confuse movement with action.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

The only way to be sure of catching a train is to miss the one before it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Travel Quotes

The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

He took the bride about the neck and kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kissing Quotes

Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Unser Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It is always a temptation to a rich and lazy nation, To puff and look important and to say:- 'Though we know we should defeat you, we have not the time to meet you, We will therefore pay you cash to go away.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Temptation Quotes

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Laughter Quotes

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.

5 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.

5 years ago

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is but a matter of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET." - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

5 years ago

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Tags : Jack London Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

5 years ago

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Tags : Dalai Lama Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes