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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends.
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Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Both Miss Lavinia and Miss Clarissa had a superstition, however, that he would have declared his passion, if he had not been cut short in his youth (at about sixty) by over-drinking his constitution, and over-doing an attempt to set it right again by swilling Bath water.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes
- Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock."
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend or by fiend, by prayer or by wine.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- The Cardinal is at his wit's end - it is true that he had not far to go.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes
- If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes
- Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Integrity Quotes
- I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.
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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Tree Quotes
- Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mother Quotes