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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.
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Tags : Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
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Tags : Alanis Morissette Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew required to be drawn with a self-denial rarely paralleled in history.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- Why, except as a means of livelihood, a man should desire to act on the stage when he has the whole world to act in, is not clear to me.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mean Quotes
- Poor Mr. Pickwick! ... If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers; if he stopped to consider which was the right one, Lady Snuphanuph would throw herself back in her chair, and smile with a mingled glance of impatience and pity to Mrs. Colonel Wugsby, at which Mrs. Colonel Wugsby would shrug up her shoulders, and cough, as much as to say she wondered whether he ever would begin.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Farewell, fair cruelty.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fate Quotes
- "It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- What I tell you three times is true.
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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes
- I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Spiritual Quotes
- Life is as tedious as twice-told tale, vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes
- I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes