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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Advice is like snow - the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind.
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Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and it holds the world together.
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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.
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Tags : Edgar Allan Poe Quotes , Funny Quotes , Pain Quotes
- One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes
- Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cat Quotes
- What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!
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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Gay Quotes
- The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes
- Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- As one reads history ... one is absolutely sickened, not by the crimes that the wicked have committed, but by the punishments that the good have inflicted.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Had be been Shakespeare, he would then have written Troilus and Cressidato brand the offending sex; but being only a little dog, he began to bite them.
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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes