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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hope Quotes
- whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes
- There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes
- When there is an old maid in the house, a watchdog is unnecessary.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- I like Wagner's music better than anybody's. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without other people hearing what one says.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes
- Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes
- If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- "Peggotty!" repeated Miss Betsey, with some indignation. "Do you mean to say, child, that any human being has gone into a Christian church, and got herself named Peggotty?"
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes
- Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes
- Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Who is this Baby Ruth? And what does she do?
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baseball Quotes
- The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes
- We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If a student takes the whole series of my folklore courses including the graduate seminars, he or she should learn something about fieldwork, something about bibliography, something about how to carry out library research, and something about how to publish that research.
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Tags : Alan Dundes Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes