Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Truth Quotes

I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

It is perfectly monstrous,' he said, at last, 'the way people go about nowadays saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

[Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Pimples Quotes

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Bible Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cycling Quotes

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes

I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.

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Tags : Alan Shearer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Soccer Quotes

Young men want to be faithful, and are not. Old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

My best training came from my father.

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sorry Quotes