Anton Chekhov Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

5 years ago

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes

May God defend me from my friends: I can defend myself from my enemies.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

The basis of action is lack of imagination. It is the last resource of those who know not how to dream.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Tree Quotes

They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hope Quotes

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Science Quotes

Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock."

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

5 years ago

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I walk up a dune to a beach and look out to sea, but it's 100km away. The ships lie askew in their dry beds, at anchor for ever. Today is my son's birthday. Thousands of miles from here, his healthy lungs are blowing out candles. I should be there but I'm here with another boy, who puts his face close to mine and laughs. I smile back but realise he can't see it, because I'm wearing an antiseptic muzzles to protect me from his breath.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. A. Gill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beach Quotes

Ones real life is often the life that one does not lead.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Trust Quotes

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes