Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

However, it is always nice to be expected, and not to arrive.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Were kisses all the joys in bed, One woman would another wed.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Gay Quotes

General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Communication Quotes

I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes