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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- " ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions; he had money as well.
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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiration Quotes
- In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes
- Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A minister of state is excusable for the harm he does when the helm of government has forced his hand in a storm; but in the calm he is guilty of all the good he does not do.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- The British are apt to make merits of their stupidities, and to represent their various incapacities as points of good breeding.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes
- For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn?
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes
- The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes