Adam Ferrara Quotes, Funny Quotes, Baby Quotes

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.

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Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

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Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.

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You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

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The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Familiarity breeds contempt. How accurate that is. The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes

You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.

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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Ones real life is often the life that one does not lead.

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A sportswriter once referred to him as our future president. With a name like Kevin, I don't know whether that's possible.

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Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Math Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

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Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

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A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fine Quotes

We spent as much money as we could and got as little for it as people could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition. There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did. To the best of my belief, our case was in the last aspect a rather common one.

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