Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Time Quotes, Lying Quotes

Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.

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PANDEMONIUM, n. Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer.

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You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.

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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.

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When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.

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EXISTENCE, n. A transient, horrible, fantastic dream,/ Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem:/ From which we're wakened by a friendly nudge/ Of our bedfellow Death, and cry: "O fudge!"

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Dream Quotes , Nudge Nudge Quotes

JOSS-STICKS- Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.

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OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an "old man". Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an "old" book.

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ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden.

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Die: To stop sinning suddenly.

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GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers.

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Condole - to show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.

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Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

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Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire

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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

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Damning, with bell, book and candle / Some sinner whose opinions are a scandal. / A rite permitting Satan to enslave him / Forever, and forbidding Christ to save him.

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Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.

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The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

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The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses.

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TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word have been affirmed, but so high an authority as Father Jape says that it comes from a very obvious source --the first words of the ancient Latin hymn _Te Deum Laudamus_. In this apparently natural derivation there is something that saddens.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Father Quotes , Latin Quotes