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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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- OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
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- Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.
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- You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
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- PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. With the growth of prudence in military affairs the projectile came more and more into favor, and is now held in high esteem by the most courageous.
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- A cheap and easy cynicism rails at everything. The master of the art accomplishes the formidable task of discrimination.
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- The place whereon the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a male and a female fool.
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- YOUTH, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.
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- It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.
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- PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.
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- applause, n. The echo of a platitude.
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- Scribbler, n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's own.
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- OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes.
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- CENTAUR, n. One of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch of differentiation, and who followed the primitive economic maxim, "Every man his own horse."
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- Pantheism, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.
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- At war with savages and idiots. To be a Frenchman abroad is to be miserable; to be an American abroad is to make others miserable.
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- San Francisco is the place where most people were last seen
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- VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.
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- Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego.
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- A man is known by the company he organizes.
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