Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Phoenix Quotes, Bird Quotes

Phoenix, n. The classical prototype of the modern 'small hot bird.'

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GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportioned to the quantity of matter they contain-the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency to approach one another. This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how science, having made A the proof of B, makes B the proof of A.

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Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

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IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.

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TAKE, v.t. To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.

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Confidante: One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.

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A modern school where football is taught.

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WINE, n.Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum." Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.

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REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.

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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.

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LOSS, n. Privation of that which we had, or had not. Thus, in the latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he "lost his election".

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UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.

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Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.

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CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.

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LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used ... as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.

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ROMANCE, n. Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as They Are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination . . .

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If you would be accounted great by your contemporaries, be not too much greater than they.

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History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

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CAVILER, n. A critic of our own work.

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Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.

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