Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Religion Quotes, Mystery Quotes

THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science.

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There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only.

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The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two.

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Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense.

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CEMETERY, n. An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies, poets write at a target and stone-cutters spell for a wager.

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RUIN, v. To destroy. Specifically, to destroy a maid's belief in the virtue of maids.

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Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

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ZANY, n. A popular character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the _buffone_, or clown, and was therefore the ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of the play. The zany was progenitor to the specialist in humor, as we to-day have the unhappiness to know him. In the zany we see an example of creation; in the humorist, of transmission. Another excellent specimen of the modern zany is the curate, who apes the rector, who apes the bishop, who apes the archbishop, who apes the devil.

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EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.

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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

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REASON, n. Propensitate of prejudice.

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If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it.

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Revelation: a famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.

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recollect, v. To recall with additions something not previously known.

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LOSS, n. Privation of that which we had, or had not. Thus, in the latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he "lost his election".

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A lottery is a tax on stupidity.

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Historian - a broad-gauge gossip.

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Honorable, adj.: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur.".

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When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward.

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