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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- HURRICANE, n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old- fashioned sea-captains.
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- An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
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- PRESENTABLE, adj. Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place.
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- When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.
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- MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.
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- GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.
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- PENITENT, adj. Undergoing or awaiting punishment.
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- Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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- LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.
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- TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
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- Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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- Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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- Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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- A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
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- There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.
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- True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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- Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
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- RUIN, v. To destroy. Specifically, to destroy a maid's belief in the virtue of maids.
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- PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.
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