Ernest Hemingway Quotes, Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock."

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been so powerful that one act was quite sufficient; whenever I have witnessed two acts I have gone away physically exhausted; and whenever I have ventured an entire opera the result has been the next thing to suicide.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A poet can survive everything but a misprint.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

It is only by not paying one's bills that one can hope to live in the memory of the commercial classes.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Unser Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. J. Liebling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Media Control Quotes

We have the best government that money can buy.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

6 years ago

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Tags : Abba Eban Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes